Split Harmony Coaching
The Pain of Divorce
Going through separation and divorce is extremely difficult and painful. The challenges seem overwhelming, even insurmountable.
Frustration ignites anxiety, anger, stress, fear. Loss comes in many forms: loss of the sense of family; loss of security and stability; loss of trust often leading to losing one’s sense of identity, of self. The ability to listen seems non-existent as reactive anger has taken over. Accusations fly endlessly back and forth.
The worst part of the duress filled situation is the unintentional emotional trauma and psychological impact on the children whose parents are going through divorce.
As a parent, your words, choices, actions, and reactions set an example for your children. Have you stopped to ask yourself what type of example your behavior (as you move through separation and divorce) is setting for your children?
for a List of The Pains of Divorce:
Observations Regarding Divorce
We were never taught “how” to be happily married. Divorce is an intentional choice leading to unintentional pain. Often when there is no conflict just before a divorce, it is much harder on the kids!
Divorce can affect life on absolutely every level:
- Ignite and fuel your fears
- Impact Self-confidence
- Affect Self-love
- Lead to a lack of trust (for your ex, for your own choices)
- Financial concerns
- Identity of self
- Loss of love
- The Ripple effect touches all generations of the family
- Your Career
- The Relationships with your children
- Even… your Health!
There is a better solution. It boils down to seeing and breaking conditioned patterns of relating to others that led to the problem/divorce and establishing a new mindset to formulate new, more positive perspectives.
Split Harmony Coaching
Split Harmony Coaching focuses on providing insights and guidance for parents of separation/divorce to take the angst out of the scenario for the sake of their children.
The stress and duress of divorce can be unbearable for couples who were once so in love.
Children of divorce are often overlooked as they go through the emotional pain and trauma triggered by their parents.
So, why would you want to let go of the angst between you and your ex?
For your children! Your kids are the reason why it’s vital to make the effort to create a shift to a less reactive, more peaceful environment… to nurturing an environment of divorce where your children can thrive.
Everything you say and do sets an example for your children. Are the stress factor triggers really what you want to focus on, or do you want to shift to mutually make your kids your top mutual priority?
Split Harmony Coaching delves deep into the principles, insights, and guidance outlined in the book Split Harmony: Turn The “Ex-Factor” From Chaos To Compassion so you can create a shift that will positively affect your children…
- Forgiveness, starting with yourself
- Get Clarity for what you want for your kids…
- Develop heightened Awareness for your words, choices, actions, reactions, and the consequences of each.
- Stop the blaming, shaming, excuse making and start taking Personal Responsibility for YOUR choices and behavior.
Create an environment of Split Harmony for the sake of your children, for you, for your family.
The difference between Split Harmony coaching and marriage/family counseling
Through working with at least 7 different marriage/family counselors, I found each of them to be “supportive”. What do I mean by this? I mean that the individual counselors had a style that supported their theoretical approach and philosophy. Every week we’d spend an hour in their office answering the same type of questions, listening to one another vent our frustration, causing us even more anxiety.
There were never any “assignments”, work to help us glean insights and learn from our words and behavior so we could develop a more positive mode of communications on which to move forward. Personal growth simply put, did not occur. Nothing seemed to change.
This was one of the most frustrating experiences of my life… paying money and spending time without any changes to the blaming, shaming, excuse-making between the two of us.
There are certainly wonderful, integrity based, counselors out there. The challenge is finding the right one, an individual who is constructive… who will help you “construct” a new outlook, a new perspective through doing the “work” it takes to spur transformation.
Creating personal and inter-personal transformation, or change, takes some work.
Marriage/Family Counseling, often referred to as psychotherapy, involves working with a licensed professional who tends to focus on the past… the emotional, traumatic experiences that have led to the problematic issues. The goals tend to revolve around altering disempowering and self-destructive habits, and working through feelings of emotional pain in order to attempt to repair and improve the family relationship conflict.
Split Harmony Coaching helps you focus on an underlying proven principle based process to move you forward whereas most counseling and psychoanalysis focuses on recovery from the past such as the causes of anxiety or depression, or surviving loss.
Split Harmony is personal development coaching that helps you construct a process to shift your personal Belief System (your B.S.) through Forgiveness, Clarity for what you want for your kids, Awareness, and Personal Responsibility. When you follow and implement these principles, you can actually create an environment of Split Harmony for your children and your entire family.
Split Harmony Coaching emphasizes the fact that how you move forward is a personal choice and helps you hone in on gaining Clarity for what you want and how to create it.
In the realm of divorce The Ex-Factor includes:
- The Ex-Ample you set for your kids
- Your Ex-Spouse
Applying The “Ex-Factor” phases you will:
- EX-onerate…Forgiveness forms the foundation on which to move forward
- EX-amine… What you really want for your kids and your role of Personal Responsibility as a parent
- EX-cavate… the obstacles holding you back and the things setting you off
- EX-plore… possibilities; shift in mindset & perspective; the ripple effect of your choices
- EX-change… Your old Limiting Beliefs for a more empowering Belief System
- EX-ecute… STOP blaming, shaming, excuse making and START being AWARE and Responsible for YOUR words, choices, actions, reactions
- EX-cellence… Live with EX-cellence. Be YOUR BEST and experience the difference for you and your children.
Step into your God-given potential
to be the best parent YOU can be…
for the sake of your children.
Pains of Divorce
for Children of Divorce
- Feeling: defeated, ruined, hopeless
- Money challenges
- Loss of Trust
- Loss of security and stability
- Loss of self-esteem
- Loss of sense of family
- Loss of confidence
- Verbal abuse
- Shut down communications (no longer two-way, open)
- Mental (anguish)
- “Blame” – your ex or yourself.
- Failure – especially when refuse to learn and grow.
- Fear – walking on eggshells
- Conflict/Avoiding conflict
- Pain of untrue accusations
- Panic attacks
- Loss of sense of identity
- Hostility of lawyers
- Behavior changes – defiant or rebellious – being controlled by emotions they do not understand.
- Blame themselves
- Caught in middle
- Divorce not obvious to them
- Emotional & psychological trauma
- Emotional distress, resentment, discouraged
- Fear based belief system
- Guilt (think it’s their fault)
- Hardened, reactive, angry, belligerent
- Have no choice… forced by parents
- Having to choose which parent in court…
- How about what it is teaching them for their future?
- How kids perceive the divorce, not how the parents think they perceive it.
- Hurting inside
- Loss (of extended family)
- Lost sense of belonging and being loved
- Mental distress/anguish
- Miss the other parent
- More authoritarian or overcompensating by custody parent
- Not a priority
- Parents blaming their kids…
- Parents not acknowledging their kids pain
- Parents reacting when angry…
- Reactive at school, getting in “trouble”
- Reduced contact with one parent
- Shaken stability
- Shattered Trust
- Sleep issues
- Stress – chronic headaches, stomachaches, gastrointestinal problems
- Strive for personal attention by acting out
- Think Is this how relationships are? – Sabotages their future relationships
- When parents get along after divorce, can be more confusing for kids
- Why is my child crying (for “no” reason)…
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